Hard to Say
by ashlyns
Summary: This is a one-shot based on Thranduil's thoughts and feelings towards his son as he strolls through Mirkwood, missing him. The day Legolas comes home. Post ROTK. It's a little sadcutefluffy. please r and r!


**Hello, everyone! This is a one-shot fan fiction about King Thranduil and the day Legolas comes home from the War of the Ring. It's kinda fluffy but…oh well.**

The castle of Mirkwood was quiet, so quiet, King Thranduil could hardly stand it. Many servants went around their business, silently rearranging flowers in holders along the cold grey walls of the underground castle, or speaking in hushed words. Thranduil watched them sadly, for there had still been no word of his son.

Nearby, a soft singing could be heard, an elf-maiden moving across the room with another, her eyes darting to the King on his throne every few seconds as though worried her singing would bother him greatly. He didn't mind, however, any sound of celebration besides the constant tense silence was welcome to his ears. There had been no joy, no singing soft or loud…no echo of laughter since Legolas left.

Thranduil got slowly to his feet as the maiden left. Moving gracefully around his chair, he left the hall and entered a small, dark, corridor at the other end. There was no one there, only his shadow, bouncing off the rough stone walls in the flickering torch light. He needed a walk, he needed to get out. He could feel the walls closing in around him with every step he took until he was positively running along the hall.

Thranduil reached the stairs and climbed them three at a time, his heart beating fast in his chest and his eyes stinging. It was suffocating. He hit the top of the stairs and turned left, racing across an open courtyard and past the stables, elves leaping out of his path.

The yard was as silent as the hall, the path to the black gates unguarded and quiet. There was nothing to fear, all forces of evil were massed in some other land, fighting…fighting his son…

Thranduil felt his throat constrict. He'd only sent him as a messenger, not a warrior for a doomed quest! He could remember their last meeting, Legolas had been in a foul mood and Thranduil had positively pushed him out the door. He sorely regretted that now.

He'd yelled at him, berated him about honor and duty. There was no honor in getting yourself killed, or volunteering for such a mission. How stupid Legolas had been. But Thranduil still loved him, and always would.

They had never had the perfect relationship, Legolas had grown up mostly around the other elves, learning and taking in their knowledge while Thranduil lead the kingdom and continued his fight against the darkness settling over Mirkwood.

As he reached the gate, a call behind him halted his steps. Turning, he saw Seledir, a royal councilor and Thranduil's friend, racing across the leaf strewn ground from the stable. He wore an unmistakable look of concern on his pale face.

"My Lord, may I join you?" He asked, halting in front of the King. Thranduil regarded him closely and finally nodded, a slight smile pulling at his lips.

"I do not believe I could stop you." Thranduil answered. Seledir's face lit up into the first true smile Thranduil had seen for months as the Elf shook his head.

"No my Lord, you could not." He answered. Thranduil nodded and began walking again, slower now that he was away from the suffocating confines of the castle halls. They left the dark gate and moved out into the even darker wood, passing low rocks and trees, walking slowly over the stone and dirt path that stretched through the gloom.

After a while, Thranduil sighed and let his head fall back, eyes gazing unseeing at the tree tops swaying in choked unison above him. "It has been so long." He sighed finally. Seledir was silent beside him but Thranduil knew he was listening. "Even for me, an Elf, it seems like forever."

"I'd say a year." Seledir answered. Thranduil nodded. Elves did not count time like humans but that sounded about right. He could feel his heart breaking at the thought. It had been to long since he had walked these paths with his son, to long since he had heard his sweet voice… "I remember when he was younger and his first trip abroad. He was gone but three days, yet you paced your study the whole time until you wore a hole in the floor."

"This is not that same, not even close." Thranduil answered, more harshly then he had intended. Taking a deep breath, he lowered his voice and gazed at his friend in the gathering gloom. "I am sorry. I forget how much time you spent with him. How much more then I myself have…"

Seledir stopped and grasped the King's shoulder firmly, blue eyes gazing deep into the taller King's. "My lord, he always understood. Even when he was younger, he understood."

Thranduil swallowed hard and lowered his eyes. "I hardly made time for him, even after his mother died." Thranduil felt another twinge of sadness at the thought of his beautiful wife, so many years gone. "I never comforted him."

"My lord, Legolas was always strong. He took care of himself." Seledir squeezed his King's shoulder and began leading him gently along the path again. "I used to take him out to her shrine where he'd kneel and sing. He stopped going there when he came of age." Seledir sounded sad and looked away into the forest, hiding his face from Thranduil.

"The last thing I said to him, was that he was selfish and a child." Thranduil said suddenly. He wasn't sure why he had suddenly blurted out such a personal piece of information but it and other words spilled from his mouth. "I told him I was ashamed of him and to go before I…before I…"

Thranduil shook his head and raised a shaking hand to his eyes. Seledir was again silent for a time. Creatures watched them from the shadows of trees and from bushes. Spiders shifted in unknown holes far off in the dark, shying away from the elvish voices. Finally, Seledir spoke again and his voice was filled with pained sorrow.

"He would have acted like he was fine." Seledir whispered, as though to himself. "He always did that, acted like everything was fine, acted like he was not hurt of tired or grieved." Seledir suddenly laughed lightly and Thranduil looked up at him, positively shocked at the lighthearted sound. "We speak of him as if he were dead."

"How can we be sure that he is not?" Thranduil asked. The light in Seledir's face died and was replaced by pain once more.

"Because I do not feel it in my heart, and I know you do not either." Seledir answered. The path ahead of them twisted out of sight behind a large pile of rocks. They walked slower now, more weary from the lack of sight. As the path began to even out again, they could see clearly a white horse standing off the side of the road, eating the sparse grass between boulders.

"Beautiful animal." Seledir said quietly, moving forward with his hand extended. The animal raised its graceful head but stayed still and unwilling to move forward to meet the Elf. "It still wears a saddle and bridle. The rider is close by I would say."

Thranduil nodded and followed behind his friend. The animal was very beautiful, indeed, and had been groomed not long ago. Its leather gear was polished but was not one of there's. Who ever the rider was, they were not from Mirkwood.

Seledir reached out and ran his hand along the animal's side. Suddenly, his hand stopped and he pulled a small dagger from the side pouch next to the saddle. It was beside an open saddle bag and inside; just visible was an Elf cloak, green in color and a green broach attached to it.

"This cloak and pin are from Lothlorien." Seledir muttered, running a delicate hand over the leaf. "But these weapons…" He held up a small black hilted dagger, "They are from Mirkwood."

"Mirkwood?" Thranduil asked. His eyes moved past the horse to stare at the golden shafts of light coming in through the trees. There was a clearing there, where his wife's shrine sat. He felt, rather then saw, the rider there, huddled in the green grass.

"Legolas…" He whispered. Seledir re-sheathed the dagger and followed his King along the path and through the trees, into the clearing.

Natural sunlight streamed through the narrow openings between the branches, sending a buttery glow across the green velvet grass. A large tree stood in the middle of the clearing, gnarled bare branches, elegantly deformed by time, sent ragged shadows over the grassy floor. At its base, directly facing them, was the large stone pillar in the shape of a leaf.

Thranduil moved forward slowly and reached out a hand, running it over the etched letters on the stone and pulling moss away with his slender hand. Through the shifting ivy and chipped away rock, his wife's name felt dull beneath his fingers.

"Oh, my beautiful wife. Where is he? Where is our son?" Finally, for the first time since he'd found out Legolas had joined the fateful company, he broke down completely. Shoulders shaking, tears streaming down his face and splashing on his wife's stone, he continued. "I miss him! I miss his smile, I miss his voice, and I miss his eyes and the way he looks in the morning. I miss his singing in the evening, when he thinks he cannot be heard. I miss watching him ride through the forest…"

"You watch me when I ride through the forest, Ada?" A smooth voice asked behind them. Seledir and Thranduil turned swiftly, Seledir drawing his bow and an arrow. Legolas was slowly crawling out of the grass where he'd been lying, asleep. There were twigs in his hair and his braid was coming out on the left. His clothing was wrinkled and travel worn, his face was tired and smudged with dirt but he was still the most beautiful thing Thranduil had ever seen.

Thranduil rushed across the clearing and pulled his son into a bone crushing hug, even before the young elf had got fully to his feet. Legolas laughed nervously and, after a few uneasy seconds, he relaxed into his father's embrace and hugged him back. They stayed like that for a while before Legolas patted his father on the back and made a strange choking noise.

"Ada, I am happy for your welcome but…" He tired to pull away weakly but Thranduil was too encompassed by his grief to really notice. "I can't breath and my legs are cramping up." Thranduil finally heard him and pulled away, holding his son at arm's length and smiled as Legolas, who had been in a crouching position, straightened.

Thranduil kept his hands on his son's shoulders still. He had to feel him; he had to know Legolas was standing here and not some figment of his imagination. Behind him Seledir spoke.

"Is that beautiful animal on the path yours then?" He asked. Legolas' eyes shifted from his father to his friend and he nodded.

"His name is Arod. He's from Rohan." He smiled at his father. "Ada…"

"No, Legolas." Thranduil whispered. He pulled his son into a hug again and took in his sent…though he smelt like road dust, Orcs and sweat, he still smelt like his son. There was something different, though, a lost innocence and a heaviness that weighed him down. "I am so sorry. I am so proud of you; I have never been ashamed of you. I love you more then I can ever say!" Legolas laughed lightly and Thranduil's heart skipped. How he'd longed to hear that sound.

"Let me get my things." Legolas said, pulling away gently. "I'll grab Arod and we will make our way home. I was on my way when I stopped to see her…" He nodded to the stone. "I was tired and fell asleep." He laughed again and clapped his father on the shoulder. "I will tell you everything tonight. Though I have to leave in a little while for a coronation…" He face scrunched into a pained look. "I smell bad I would imagine. I haven't had much time to bathe in the past year."

"I did not even notice." Thranduil answered. Legolas laughed and together, father and son led the way through the clearing, both changed forever.

**The End!**

**Tell me what you think! I hope you liked it. Thanks.**


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